•    Knucklehead Profile 

"Bill Ayers - who was drawn to a career in glass fusing after irradiating his brain with a Ion Cyclotron Spectrometer while studying particle microphysics - teaches the workshops while spinning plates on poles, playing ping-pong with trained ferrets, charming snakes, and translating "War and Peace" into Urdu, all at the same time. Born Lamont Cranston, Bill changed his name and moved to the United States from his family's home in the Orient after he studied with mystic masters and acquired the power to cloud men's minds. He is an expert in nothing - except for things of which he has no knowledge."
-- excerpted from the Paula Butzi Review, a B & S periodical devoted to the plunder and exploitation of the Mayan ruins.
Would you trust this guy with your glasscutter?

Believe it or not, millions* of satisfied glass students gladly
fork over the big bucks to witness the miracle of him scoring
a perfect** circle.

Artist Statement
I was born in the TV era -- a typical product of my generation: scarred, bitter, intolerant of children and dust -- I drink Pepsi. I'm a genius with perfect pitch, look good in off-the-shoulder fashions and won an Academy Award in 1971 for Technical Achievement (something to do with getting gum off theatre seats). Son of Ralston Ayers and Tanya Sternberg. Once met Dean Martin. Have lots of Frank Sinatra albums. In fact I was asked to join the Rat Pack in '61 but turned them down when Sammy Davis Jr. refused to let me borrow his glass eye. Angry and lonely after being cast out of Vegas I made my way to the coast of Southern California. Here I discovered the many uses for beach glass. Sandblasted by the wind and waves, hard yet softened, I took great joy in combining the bits of frosty clear and green glass bits with walnut shells and pipe cleaners to create highly stylistic and whimsical fantasy Barbie doll accessories. While rightly praised by the critics these did not sell well. I entered a spiral of meloncholy. I eventually became obsessed with the blue Pepto Bismol glass bottles as a medium to express the angst and passion of my repressed libido. My works turned dark and forbidding - fading rainbows, hornless unicorns, dry humidors - I labeled it my funk period. In a make or break move I entered my most challenging piece: " Ode to Butter - Churning, Churning, Churning" an explosive expose of how corporate dairy products can harden the heart and soul - in the 1973 Del Mar Fair and Exposition. The judge that year was my mentor Pablo Picasso. He awarded me a yellow ribbon, but stole my ideas, called it the Blue Period and never looked back.

That led to my career in the Halloween business. I've always wanted to teach - but showing someone how to sell masks and warts didn't fulfill me. When glass fusing entered my sights ten years ago I began to see this medium as the way. So, what do I do all day? I do a lot of thinking about what I want to do later. Then I clean the sink. Trim the hair out of my ears -- sweep the floor. Then I worry about where my next buck is going to come from, throw a few darts at my poster of The Guernica, then go hit a bucket of balls. It's a busy life. Dustin Hoffman is going to take over the role on Broadway in 2027.

Career Highlights

  • 1951: Invented pineapple,
  • 1962: 3rd place finish in egg toss at Rotary picnic
  • 1963: Discovered the proper spelling for the word "plow"
  • 1970: Commander, Apollo 7 (Google for proof)
  • 1972: Ghostwriter for Ed Ames and William Shatner
  • 1980: Began going bald
  • Winner of the Nobel Prize in physics - date unknown
  • 1986: Won five bucks with a lotto ticket
*Well, a thousand or so.
**Okay, usually somewhat round
  Dates and Times